Not so good weekend

So i had a mini binge this weekend.I am getting back on track. While the binge is bad news the good news is I didn't give up the exercise.

I enjoy dancing. I love just dance and dance on broadway games for the wii. It doesn't feel like exercise and it does keep me moving. Problems I had in the past with efit games is that they were too slow or yoga based and had little to keep my interest. I am glad these games have answered my complaint.s

When I ate out yesterday, I came up with a new eating system that helped me slow down the eating process. Here in Korea, at outback if you want a chicken breast and a baked potato you have to order them as sides. So they come to me on separate plates. So i had a cycle. Potato, chicken and then drink. This worked so well for two reasons. First of all, usually I am the one finished first and have to wait for my fiance to finish his steak. But yesterday he had to wait for me. Second of all, that slow process helped me to feel full. But i really would prefer not to eat out. I find tht when I eat out i come home and am still hungry and eat some more. Its hard because my fiance does not eat well and wants me to go out for dinner all the time.

But i have become stubborn and resist his requests more often than note.

will keep you posted.

I feel like a newbie all over again.

As I mentioned before, I have been on and off teh program for years. I am currently living in South Korea and teaching. My self image here has taken a beating due to the fact that nothing here fits and the shape of a Korean woman is something I'll never be. As well, over the past year i have been working out harder and harder but gaining weight. So I started to hate myself for my failure.

Now before you think 'muscle weighs more than fat'. I don't buy into that excuse. I made plenty of excuses myself. Truth is the more i worked out the hungrier I became. I just read a study that this is a problem in women and not men. I didn't write down what I was eating. Snacking became a full time occupation, and lying to myself became second nature. In short, I cheated myself.

It is hard here because there are bakeries on every corner. Koreans love their bread, cakes and donuts. But they don't have low fat, or fat free desserts and I am a sweet person. There is tons of chocolate to appeaase my greatest desire but this doesn't help me to my end goal.

Anyways the reason I feel like i did when I first started is the results of this weeks weigh in.

When I first came to Weight Watchers, I had no hope. I'd given up hope years earlier. So the second week in, when I lost weight I was shocked. Thats how i feel today. Since i pressed restart on the weight button three weeks ago, its been slow. But this week I lost 2.2. lbs for a total of 2.6 lbs lost. This means I will be able to fit into my wedding dress that I had to buy a year before the wedding because that was the last time I was home in Canada. Talk about taking a risk.

So I am happy and very elated. I am only o.4 from the first goal I set for myself. When i achieve this goal, I will get the birthday dinner I had to postphone.

Happy WW.

Learning to not love food

It is not called a journey for no reason. I love food. I love good food and I could eat all day. This is dangerous. So on my journey I am learning not to focus on food. Living in another country, in Asia, where western food is scarce its hard to be on this journey with weight watchers. It wouldn't be so hard if I liked fish but I don't. And where I live there are bakeries abound with fattening and high caloried delights.

Several things I have to change within myself:

using food to eleviate a bad day

using food to celebrate nothing, making excuses to celebrate binge.

thinking about food all the time

and mindless eating.

So lately I have gotten into online shopping and having received the shipments I am filled with joy. I live in the part of the world where they are not my size and it is impossible to get clothes my size.; So I tried out Lands end. The shipping is cheap and the clothes are fabulous. Their website is comprehensive and they have a chat option in case you want help with sizing. I will buy from them again.

But my latest purchase is an influx of puddings. I can't b elieve how many sugar free fat free instant options there are. So i bought a few of the traditionals like butterscotch, vanilla and chocolate but also added some different ones in white chocolate, chocolate fudge, banana cream and pistacio. So far I ahve tried the white chocolate. I was skeptical about this but it really does taste like white chocolate. The best part about it is that one serving is only 1 ww point. So now I have some treats to keep me away from those evil, seductive bakeries that are everywhere here.

I feel great about my progress this week and can't wait to see the results on friday.

My reward for reaching my first goal is a burger and fries at tgif and then chocolate mousse cake.

Hope you are well where ever you are. God bless.

Struggling with hunger

Over the past year, something has happened to me that has scared me. I have become somewhat of a binge eater. Now by binge I don't mean platefuls of food. What I mean is I will get this feeling over me and just stuff my face. And never feel full. I have always had problems with eating but not like this.

I am learning to diagnose my hunger. I should record it more properly. But for now its self diagnosis unrecorded. I am becoming more aware of when my hunger is satisfied. I am trying not to eat when I don't need to. A lifetime habit is hard to break and this new trend of stuffing my face even harder.

But its a step when I go to a restaurant with my partner and I don't order the cheap deal. Instead I just order an appetizer and it fills me. I was happy with that progress.

I really want to be successful this time. I am happy. Today I got several fat and sugar free puddings which will help me elminate some of the high fat snacks I have been eating as of late.

The hardest part of changing eating habits is being honest with yourself. Still trying to win that battle. I will keep you posted.

Winning outcome

When I look at what I want the end result to be, it seems overwhelming. I want to lose 60 lbs. So I have decided to file that away for a while. Right now, my goal is to be the weight I was when I moved to the country I am living in now. This is not a bad goal. I need to lose just four lbs to be where I was. Since I have been in this country for almost 3 years now, I've gained just over a lb a year. But when I remember that I had lost weight coming here, I do get angry with myself for allowing this to happen.

So my winning outcome is to fit into my wedding dress and and my first goal is to get to 208 lbs. I would like this to happen before September first.

So now that I know my goal, how do I get there? What do I need to achieve my goal.

I know that I have had little follow through over the last few years. Having a smaller goal that I have made will make it easier to achieve.

I need to use up more calories than I take in. This means increasing activity while decreasing food intake.

SO here is my plan:

I have already cut out dining out. I may increase that to once a week.

I will track my food. Not only online but in a journal I write in. I have been practising for the last few weeks.

I will get in a minimum of 30 minutes a day of activity but will aim for an hour.

I will focus on foods that fill me up, not necessary foods that I crave.

I will plan ahead.

I will draw a storyboard and keep it with me to remind myself of what I am working towards.

Let me introduce myself.

Hi. My name is KG. I have had weight issues my whole life. I remember starting my first diet around the age of 9. Obviously I have never been happy with my body. I suffer from the textbook self esteem issues and most likely have some kind of eating disorder.

In my twenties I surrendered my weight for a while. It was so exhausting having to count every calorie. I wasn't happy. And so I started eating what I wanted to, anytime I wanted to. I convinced myself that dating wasn't necessary. I hadn't dated much and was tired of hoping. So instead, Friday nights became dates with myself night. These nights included two or three chick flicks, a bag of chocolate (usually reeses peanut butter cup minatures were my choice) and some type of fast food. I truly thought I was happy. Obviously these actions are not one of a happy person. But it wasn't until I started going to weight watchers that I figured this out.

How did I get to weight watchers?

In 2000, my family took a trip to Las Vegas. I noticed i was a tight fit on the plane and was uncomfortable with that. But that wasn't made me choose to go to ww. After a week of indulging at buffets, the moment of truth came on the ride home. ON the plane ride home, I went to the washroom. I noticed a woman that was obviously too big for her seat. I felt bad for her. But I felt worse when I returned from the washroom. In the galley, I saw an old couple arguing with a handsome steward about their seats. They were demanding that this woman needed two seats and that she should pay for them. Now I felt really bad for this woman. She did take an aisle seat, in her defence. But what astounded me was the attitude of this steward. HE was clearly angry. But he was angry at this couple. He told them that she had paid her fare just like they did and they would hve to return to their seats. At that moment, I swore to myself I would never been in the position of that woman.

That being said, I never really thought I would lose weight. I had no idea how much my weight was and after years of struggling, I didn't think anything could help me. But it did, in two years I lost 60 lbs before hitting a plateau. But for the last ten years I have been in and out of weight watchers and have been going up in weight in the past three.

So now I am in a country, where i am unhappy and unable to get the foods that would help me lose weight. I am in a country where there are bakeries on eveyr corner and the calorie content of their milk is quite high.

I am frustrated. I have increased my workouts and nothing seems to be working. So now I am writing this blog in a way to vent my frustration out in a healthy way instead of turning to food.

So far, I have cut out dining out ( much to my fiance's chagrin) and reduce my chocolate eating.

I am trying to surrender my previous knowledge of the Weight Watchers program so that I can admit I cannot do it alone and that I do not know it all. These two truths prevent me from being successful. So I have been thinking a lot about filling foods and really becoming in tune wiht my body. I have problems sleeping and have been eating at nights, before I am fully awake and knowing what I am doing. NOw when I wake up, I sit for a minute, go to the bathroom, and take a drink. HOping this delay will help prevent me from stuffing my face. I also think about how full I am. I realize now that cereal and a banana can be satisfying. That my lunch doesn't have to be big and a salad can be fun.

So today, officially weighed in and going to start on this journey, even though I hav ebeen with weight watchers online for months, its time to start fresh.

My current weight 211.8 lbs.

What I have eaten today:

breakfast: 30g frosted flakes and 125 mg fat free milk 3 points

banana 1

fiber donut 2.5

snack popcorn 2 points

lunch chicken salad with 56g of canned chicken 1 point

3 bananas 3 points

dinner egg and cheese omelette (1 egg, 1 slice fat free cheese) 3 points

salad

My activity: 30 min on stationary bike in the morning.

30 min on stationary bike in afternoon.

some dancing with wii game in the evening or walking.

It would be nice if anyone reading this could comment or give support. I am used to doing everything on my own and I realized that I fail when I don't surrender that control and ask for help.

Thank you.